Has Your Relationship Lost Its Spark?
Do you and your significant other feel distant and withdrawn from each other? Is there a lack of sex and romance in your relationship, but you’re not sure where things went wrong? Are you dealing with communication issues and struggling to see eye to eye?
Maybe both of you have grown so comfortable in your relationship that you no longer show up for each other. Somewhere along the way, the relationship lost its spark and now you find yourselves going through the motions. Touch may be limited or non-existent. Conversations may quickly turn to arguing. The relationship may have fallen off your list of priorities. You might ask yourself: Where did we go wrong? Will we ever go back to normal?
The Differences Between You And Your Partner May Be Too Great To Ignore
The beginning of a relationship is an exciting time. You and your partner may have been so head-over-heels in love that you didn’t even think about your relationship’s pitfalls. But as time went on and your infatuation faded, your differences may have become too obvious to ignore. Perhaps you’re split on questions of religion, politics, sexuality, or even raising kids.
Couples therapy is a time to sort through your existential differences and reignite the spark at the heart of your relationship. Here at Usawa Wellness Services, we want to help you and your loved one solve communication issues, rebuild trust, and renew your love for each other.
Everyone Brings Different Values And Expectations Into Relationships
All relationships go through periods of connection and disconnection. It’s a normal part of the ups and downs of life. Oftentimes, periods of disconnection arise because of different expectations. We are all raised with different values and beliefs and—like it or not—our upbringing shapes what we expect out of relationships.
The problem is that we often take our upbringing for granted. We perceive our experience with relationships as “normal” and think that everyone else’s idea of a relationship is strange or misguided. As a result, we often have trouble accepting people for who they are; we want them to conform to some predetermined idea of the perfect partner. And when we’re not accepting of each other, there is very little incentive to uplift each other. We fall back on hostility and resentment.
Injustice And Oppression Make Relationships Stressful For BIPOC People
One of the most complex issues for BIPOC people is the deconstruction of BIPOC families. For decades—even centuries—racial injustice and systemic oppression have been putting unhealthy levels of stress on the BIPOC community. Many BIPOC men are expected to carry all of this stress alone. When women try to pick up some of the stress for themselves, they are often shamed for being “too strong” or “too aggressive.” These gender expectations cause many rifts in both relationships and the culture at large.
Unfortunately, many couples don’t recognize the social factors that affect their relationships. They often get so deep into their issues that they no longer see them as separate from their partner. They see everything as a personal shortcoming instead of as a result of many social and psychological factors. Therapy can help you and your loved one see the broader context of your relationship issues and increase your compassion for each other.
Couples Therapy Is A Chance To Revisit What Made You Fall In Love And Work Through Disconnection
It’s all too easy to focus on what’s wrong in a relationship. You and your partner may come to counseling eager to share what the other person is doing wrong. That’s why we like to start off therapy by focusing on what drew you both together. We want to know: When did you first meet? What made you fall in love? What were the things that made your partner irresistible in your eyes? Instead of nurturing your negative experiences, we want to concentrate on the good things about your relationship. Doing so can help us build a strong foundation for working on the tougher issues together.
Above all, couples therapy is a chance to have an unbiased party listen to your concerns without judgment. You are free to express yourself without fear of your couples therapist taking sides or pointing fingers. This is a time to come together, not focus on who’s right and wrong. We want to help you repair the disconnections in your relationship. This can only be done if you and your spouse are equally committed to the healing process.
What To Expect In Sessions
The first session is a joint session where you and your partner will go over your relationship’s history and explore what you want to work on. After that, we will hold individual sessions with each of you separately. The goal of these individual sessions is to go over our limited secrets policy and gain perspective on each partner. From there, both of you will resume meeting with your couples counselor together.
A lot of couples therapy is about getting to the core of your relationship issues and figuring out where the disillusionment started. At the same time, sessions can also be very practical and future-focused. Counseling can help you rebuild intimacy, fix communication problems, and be more flexible within your marriage or relationship. Instead of one person leading and the other following, both of you will learn when to take the lead and when to take the backseat. This way, neither person controls the relationship and neither shies away from responsibility.
Tailoring Your Treatment Plan
Our practice draws from a wide variety of approaches, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Emotionally-Focused Therapy, Imago Therapy and the Gottman Method. These approaches can help you reframe the way you think about your partner and learn to focus on the problem rather than the person. Instead of viewing your partner as the issue in your relationship, you will learn to see that both of you contribute to the disconnection and can overcome it by working together.
Ultimately, we believe that no couple should have to work through their struggles alone. Our goal is to support both you and your significant other unconditionally and walk with you on your journey of healing. Where there is disconnection there can always be reconnection. With our help, we believe that you can reconnect with each other and fall in love all over again.
You May Have Some Concerns About Couples And Marriage Therapy…
I’m worried about our marriage counselor taking sides.
In ordinary life, we often have a very black-and-white view of relationships and tend to see one person as the good guy and the other as the bad guy. Counseling is a chance to explore the gray areas and understand that relationships are not that simple. This is why we do not sides. We are on “team-relationship,” and this means helping both of you overcome the individual issues that affect your relationship.
What if therapy makes our relationship worse?
It’s normal for couples to worry that counseling will make them dig up old dirt and reopen old wounds. That’s why our approach concentrates on the good things in your relationship as much as the problems. We do not want to give the negative parts of your relationship too much attention. Yes, old wounds have to be addressed in order to heal, but the focus of sessions is not on rehashing your arguments. Instead, we want to get to the root cause of your disagreements and help you collaborate on solutions.
What if we don’t have the time or money for counseling?
Couples therapy is an investment with benefits that can last for the rest of your life. The time commitment and the cost are small compared to what you can accomplish together. Putting in the work here can save you from having to put in more work in the future.
